Closet Social Online

forgotten i die

When I don’t post,

It feels I don’t exist.

Is anyone listening to the silence?

Does anyone get concerned?

Without posting

Forgotten i die.

I take a peek

When you leave your social media open

And you’re not around,

I sometimes close the page

But I sometimes take a peek.

I disapprove of myself

But I find myself justified

As I see the secrets you keep from me.

The conversations you have

The person you allow yourself to be

The fantasies that you live.

Although I must admit,

If I were a women with all that attention

With invitations from the most perverse

To the most romantic,

I would indulge myself from time to time

So as I disapprove myself,

I justify both you and me

A troll inside

The things I would like to post that I don’t.

The lure of the disconnect felt online

Allows shameful emotions to rise

Further up than I would’ve allowed otherwise.

Do we all have trolls inside?

Lurking in the shadows of our decency?

When it’ll never go beyond the web

Which values do we hold dear?

Which values were only out of fear?

Dancing around

We dance around our feelings

Pretending to be friends

Texting innocent comments

Followed by ambiguous emojis.

This is it, we have said.

What if it was more, we have tried.

What was the lesson learned, I don’t know.

What will happen now, we dance around.

old profile pictures

Just your old profile pictures

Is all i can see.

You have changed so much since then

As i know you to be,

The most beautiful woman

In this world.

This photo, is almost a stranger to me

The void

Only a small piece of your profile

Is all I’m able to see.

The rest, its silence loud,

A dark void of what used to be,

Of what could’ve been.

If only we had ran away together,

Instead of returning to our lives,

After daring like teenagers,

Letting ourselves love/live again,

A dark void indeed.

Sometimes I wonder

What if I unleashed myself

On my profile.

Let a dark part of myself take over.

One that doesn’t care.

It should be easier

Than in real life,

Cyberspace is both near and far.

As there’s a part of me,

That doesn’t want to care.

There’s a self absorbed version of myself

That I’m curious to know.

What it would look like?

Not to feel that guilt

When i let myself be selfish.

Is there a time and place?

Where my stability

Doesn’t depend on you liking me.

Sometimes I wonder…

Lurker

I watch from the edges,

People sharing,

Getting liked and favored.

I feel the urges to come out

From the shadows and share myself,

Step in the light and share in the attention.

Then I see a post confronting me

Confronting me unknowingly

Challenging a belief or opinion

And I respond to the challenge in my head

Walk through the conversation within myself,

And work myself up arguing

That I withdraw to the shadows again,

I watch from the edges.

I’m a dreamer and reality hurts

I’m a dreamer and reality hurts.
The weight of world is crushing down on me
I know if I play by the rules,
I can make the world lighter on me
I can breathe deeply and rest
And be at ease.
But there’s a truth inside of me
That doesn’t agree with the rules
And it’s the only truth I know.
Would you let go of yourself?
For stability if not peace?